I had just decided that I was content being home with my kids. It had been a year since I took a project consulting and I was grateful to not HAVE to work. But we ran through our savings and things were getting uncomfortably tight. A girl can only go so long before she needs a new pair of shoes.
Contentment is something I’ve been struggling with since I had kids. I think it is part of our nature but I think the culture we live in plays a big part. To long for what you don’t have. To think that satisfaction lies in the next ‘thing’ acquired. That if we just had XX our life would be so much easier. That if only we finished this one project on the house it’ll fit us perfectly. It seems like there are so many things that I was coveting and longing for. When you and your husband are working full-time it is easy to buy most of what you want or need – new clothes, cars, furniture, crafts, etc.
My decision to quit work was not hard for me. Carter was 10 months and I knew I wanted to have kids that were close in age. And the project I was working on at Amazon wasn’t challenging me and didn’t feel like it would make a difference. After you’ve influenced the growth of a billion dollar business, launching an incremental feature on an ad server just wasn’t cutting it. It was easy. I could do it in my sleep. And I was getting paid relatively well to work a couple of days a week in the office. But boys at 10 months are very fun – Carter was starting to walk, was very responsive, content, happy, exploring and just a delight. I figured I might as well start trying to have another baby it could take a while. And it would be nice to get diaper/preschool years over with and get back to building my career as quickly as possible.
And I really feel like kids need their moms close. That so much happens developmentally in formation of self before the age of 5. That I was best equipped to care and love on my kiddos. And that mothering full-time is the most important job I could take on – even if it was mind numbing at times and incredibly tedious. And generally I’ve been happy with that decision.
Except when I’m not. When what I do doesn’t feel significant. When I feel like my brain is fried and my memory shot. When I never get a pat on the back or praised for how smart I am. But it is really hard to network and drum up work as a mom, especially in the recent economic climate. Finding childcare to have lunch with former colleagues much less finding cash to pay for lunch wasn’t happening. And I didn’t have the energy or quiet time on the phone to make calls to people I haven’t seen in a couple of years to ask if they had projects they wanted to farm out off-site on a part time basis.
So when Sarah Bryar called me a month ago and asked if I’d consider working part-time from home I was surprised and at the same time not surprised at how excited I was at the prospect. The fact that Parent Map is a virtual company of a couple dozen women that work from home on a mostly part-time basis sounded unreal. And the fact that they needed help developing products on the web to generate revenue and meet clients needs fit right in the sweet spot of what I am good at – analytics, strategy, and online marketing. And the fact that they haven’t had anyone thinking about this piece of their business means that I can walk in and add value quickly makes this a no brainer. And it doesn't hurt that I AM the target customer, that I am in the thick of parenting and intimately know the customer. And I get to work ‘just enough’ - No more or less than fits in my life. Cha-ching! You can see why I’m excited. I’m a month into the job and loving it.
It isn't perfect. I need to get some help with the kids - I have no idea how I’ve worked 20 hrs a week this past month but I have. Things feel a little out balance right now. But once summer settles down a little and swimming lessons are over and I get a little bit of help, I’m looking forward to having blocks of time to think and be creative and feel productive. I can’t wait to see what we can build over the next few months and years.
Monday, June 29, 2009
The JW came knockin'....
I'm not sure why I invited them in. The two older gentlemen seemed so friendly and I just thought about how much nerve it takes to knock on someone's door and how much rejection they must face as they try to share their 'good news'. And I was a little curious. My grandmother is Jehovah's Witness and I've never really tried to understand what they believe or why she converted after her husband died so many years ago.
Admittedly, my experience with the Jehovah's Witness is limited. I've grabbed flyers they were handing out at public events and have shoo-ed them away from my door when they knocked in Seattle. I had heard that the JW believe that the sky is falling and that only 100k people will be chosen to live with Jesus in heaven forever. And that just seems crazy and hopeless to me. Isn't the point of religion to give you some sort of hope for the future and comfort in our current condition?
So this is your official warning. If you are not a Christian or don't like to talk religon skip to a different post...I've had quite a few people ask me about this so I decided to post the progress.
It was almost two months ago that I first invited the JW in to 'talk'. I let them believe that I was open to what they wanted to teach me, but was in control of the conversation. Within one additonal meeting, they suggested I meet with some women - that it might not be appropriate for the men to meet me alone in my home with my kids. I had already decided that they were not serial killers and was comfortable chatting with them, but didn't object to the handoff. Turns out they weren't equipped to have the type of conversation/debate that I was engaging in so they brought in the big guns - Phyllis and Mary. Turns out Mary is a leading teacher in the area and her side kick is a new recruit. So I had to bring them up to speed. They came weekly for 4 weeks and then I told them that I needed to take a break, that I wasn't satisfied with their answers to my questions and didn't feel like they were prepared to talk about what I asked. So I made a copy of the the four questions we had been addressing and made them take it with them and study it. And they are coming back next week to talk about it after a month haitus.
It has been an interesting game of cat and mouse. I posted my research/notes that I used to prepare for our talks and I think the approach worked well. At this point, I have them on the defensive. The strategy was to focus on one issue and force them to address the issue before we moved on. I made them look at me when we spoke - somehow that took them out of debate mode and I think it helped them to hear what I was getting at. They are very well prepared and will throw lots of scripture at you to demonstrate how much they know as they talk you in circles. But if you really listen to what they are saying - it sounds like crazy talk! Nothing is directly answered. It is very frustrating and takes lots of patience. I've published my rough notes with scriptures here. I spent up to 4 hours a week preparing for a 1-2 hour conversation.
I didn't engage in this debate to 'convert' them. I really did feel sorry for them because I perceived that there is so little freedom and joy for the JW and I wanted to understand. I think I wanted to connect to my grandma. I wanted to get a feel for how someone could be drawn into to a religion like this. And I wanted to demonstrate another way of thinking - critically understanding truth and struggling to come to my own conclusions. I've gotten what I wanted out of our meetings and think I'll cut it off after I hear the response to my questions. They are now inviting me to local JW events and I don't want them to waste their time on me or mislead them as to my intentions. They are working hard for their salvation, and every door they knock on and every convert they are able to 'save' gets them one step closer to heaven.
Admittedly, my experience with the Jehovah's Witness is limited. I've grabbed flyers they were handing out at public events and have shoo-ed them away from my door when they knocked in Seattle. I had heard that the JW believe that the sky is falling and that only 100k people will be chosen to live with Jesus in heaven forever. And that just seems crazy and hopeless to me. Isn't the point of religion to give you some sort of hope for the future and comfort in our current condition?
So this is your official warning. If you are not a Christian or don't like to talk religon skip to a different post...I've had quite a few people ask me about this so I decided to post the progress.
It was almost two months ago that I first invited the JW in to 'talk'. I let them believe that I was open to what they wanted to teach me, but was in control of the conversation. Within one additonal meeting, they suggested I meet with some women - that it might not be appropriate for the men to meet me alone in my home with my kids. I had already decided that they were not serial killers and was comfortable chatting with them, but didn't object to the handoff. Turns out they weren't equipped to have the type of conversation/debate that I was engaging in so they brought in the big guns - Phyllis and Mary. Turns out Mary is a leading teacher in the area and her side kick is a new recruit. So I had to bring them up to speed. They came weekly for 4 weeks and then I told them that I needed to take a break, that I wasn't satisfied with their answers to my questions and didn't feel like they were prepared to talk about what I asked. So I made a copy of the the four questions we had been addressing and made them take it with them and study it. And they are coming back next week to talk about it after a month haitus.
It has been an interesting game of cat and mouse. I posted my research/notes that I used to prepare for our talks and I think the approach worked well. At this point, I have them on the defensive. The strategy was to focus on one issue and force them to address the issue before we moved on. I made them look at me when we spoke - somehow that took them out of debate mode and I think it helped them to hear what I was getting at. They are very well prepared and will throw lots of scripture at you to demonstrate how much they know as they talk you in circles. But if you really listen to what they are saying - it sounds like crazy talk! Nothing is directly answered. It is very frustrating and takes lots of patience. I've published my rough notes with scriptures here. I spent up to 4 hours a week preparing for a 1-2 hour conversation.
I didn't engage in this debate to 'convert' them. I really did feel sorry for them because I perceived that there is so little freedom and joy for the JW and I wanted to understand. I think I wanted to connect to my grandma. I wanted to get a feel for how someone could be drawn into to a religion like this. And I wanted to demonstrate another way of thinking - critically understanding truth and struggling to come to my own conclusions. I've gotten what I wanted out of our meetings and think I'll cut it off after I hear the response to my questions. They are now inviting me to local JW events and I don't want them to waste their time on me or mislead them as to my intentions. They are working hard for their salvation, and every door they knock on and every convert they are able to 'save' gets them one step closer to heaven.
The next thing for me
I've found my next big project. When I decided to have children, I knew that it would come up. But it is just so big and overwhelming, and I feel so small and inadequate. Who am I? But I saw this video on the Julia Roy blog and it really got me thinking....
It got me thinking that even if the public schools were delivering on the basics, they still aren't going to be sufficient.
I moved from Seattle to Bainbridge in large part because I wasn't happy with the public school situation in Seattle. I didn't want to have to work in order to send my kids to private schools, and I wasn't happy with the crazy life I saw families leading. I wanted the option to stay home with my kids and work when I want to on projects that are interesting and fulfilling. And I wanted to slow down our lives and focus on the little things that matter. Bainbridge and Belleview had the highest scoring public school systems in the area. Little did I know that these schools also teach to the WASL so that they can maintain the high scores, or that the class sizes were growing significantly each year, or that even in a district of highly-affluent well-educated citizens the schools wouldn't be able to gather the funding they need to fix leaky pipes or replace a school that has outlived its usefulness and may be a safety hazard. Of course most of this information is second-hand from other moms with older children or from what I read in the local paper. But I really do not want to have to home school my children - I would be a terrible teacher. I am not patient enough and it just seems like so much work. And I don't feel like that is what I'm being called to do.
So, I was listening to a conversation with Scott Oki, a former Microsoft exec turned philanthropist, on NPR about a month ago that sparked my interest. He was offering some ideas on how to improve public schools that sounded simple and achievable. He wrote a book entitled "Outrageous Learning: An Education Manifesto" that I ordered and received in the mail last week. I cracked it open this morning and am looking forward to this read. I would love to introduce it to our book club and start a larger conversation.
The problem still feels huge and I have no idea where to start, but I do know that I really need to get on top of this issue and figure out how to plug in. I don't think it is OK for us to opt out of the public school system because we can afford to do so. All of our kids deserve a chance at the best educational opportunities we can create. Really. Not just talking about it, but really making it happen.
It got me thinking that even if the public schools were delivering on the basics, they still aren't going to be sufficient.
I moved from Seattle to Bainbridge in large part because I wasn't happy with the public school situation in Seattle. I didn't want to have to work in order to send my kids to private schools, and I wasn't happy with the crazy life I saw families leading. I wanted the option to stay home with my kids and work when I want to on projects that are interesting and fulfilling. And I wanted to slow down our lives and focus on the little things that matter. Bainbridge and Belleview had the highest scoring public school systems in the area. Little did I know that these schools also teach to the WASL so that they can maintain the high scores, or that the class sizes were growing significantly each year, or that even in a district of highly-affluent well-educated citizens the schools wouldn't be able to gather the funding they need to fix leaky pipes or replace a school that has outlived its usefulness and may be a safety hazard. Of course most of this information is second-hand from other moms with older children or from what I read in the local paper. But I really do not want to have to home school my children - I would be a terrible teacher. I am not patient enough and it just seems like so much work. And I don't feel like that is what I'm being called to do.
So, I was listening to a conversation with Scott Oki, a former Microsoft exec turned philanthropist, on NPR about a month ago that sparked my interest. He was offering some ideas on how to improve public schools that sounded simple and achievable. He wrote a book entitled "Outrageous Learning: An Education Manifesto" that I ordered and received in the mail last week. I cracked it open this morning and am looking forward to this read. I would love to introduce it to our book club and start a larger conversation.
The problem still feels huge and I have no idea where to start, but I do know that I really need to get on top of this issue and figure out how to plug in. I don't think it is OK for us to opt out of the public school system because we can afford to do so. All of our kids deserve a chance at the best educational opportunities we can create. Really. Not just talking about it, but really making it happen.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Simple foodie pleasures
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